The Sun Reaches for the Dawn
by Feanin
Summary: Set in the First through Fourth Age. Tacalimenna is a young Noldor elf with the world going for her. Then she goes to witness the reconciliation of Feanor and Fingolfin and her life is changed for ever, as is Valinor.
1. Default Chapter

**The Sun Reaches for the Dawn**

By Feanin

**Chapter 1:** _Nessima_ (Youthful)

It was springtime in Aman. Small golden leaves graced the branches of her strong trees. Velvety green grass spread from dwelling to dwelling like a herald of warmer days. Flowers rose anew to clutter the gardens behind homes and in city centers. Birds sang a dulcet ballad to the elves that dwelt on her shores. Gulls soared to meet the sails of the Telerin swanboats and the waves caressed their sides in welcome. Tirion stood high and proud, shimmering like a jewel over the land. Alqualonde followed suit, glimmering white under the light of Laurelin, whose golden radiance shrouded the land with warmth.

No one who viewed this picture of paradise would know of the unrest that troubled her inhabitants. A few years before that time, Feanor, son of Finwe, had begun to speak out against the Valar. He roused the interest of the Noldor by speaking of Middle Earth and his desire to travel there.

Feanor was also the brother of Fingolfin and Finarfin. Fingolfin and Finarfin disagreed with Feanor and spoke against him. Melkor, also named Morgoth, the Vala, saw this as a chance to acquire what he desired, the Silmarils, jewels made by Feanor that held the light of Telperion and Laurelin inside them. Melkor spread lies between the brothers and tore them asunder. Rumor came to Feanor that his brothers were plotting to take the thrown from him, while his brothers thought Feanor would exile them. These rumors lead to a confrontation between Feanor and Fingolfin that ended in Feanor being exiled from Tirion for 12 years. During his exile, Feanor brought the Silmarils to Formenos, where he, his sons and Finwe dwelt for those 12 years.

Now the 12 year exile was over and Feanor had come to have audience with Manwe.

* * *

Laurelin lighted the golden fields of Yavanna as Tacalimmena and her company rode towards the Halls of Manwe. Her friend, Arnono, rode beside her and they joked and conversed gaily. For the moment, Calime sat in silence, content with her world. She glanced towards her friend who gazed in wonder at the fields around them and smiled. She had had a growing liking for him for months. Although she had no knowledge of it, the rest of their friends could clearly see that he was fond of her as well. 

Arnono turned to her and grabbed her hand, "Look, Calime."

She obliged him and turned her gaze to the world surrounding them. Her mouth fell open in delighted awe. Before them stood the Two Trees of Valinor over a field of gold. Golden butterflies and dragonflies swarmed over golden wheat and blossoms. Her gaze glided up over Laurelin's trunk to her head of golden light. Beside her Telperion still glowed faintly silver.

Arnono laughed deeply at Calime's expression, "Beautiful, are they not?"

"Beyond words," she replied breathily.

"Indeed," came Calime's mother's voice.

Tacalimenna smiled at her mother, who smiled in turn. Her mother was beautiful elleth of half-noldor, half-telerin blood. She had eyes as dark as the sea and hair fair as the starlight upon its waves. Her name was Quelinde. Calime loved her mother dearly.

"Behind the Trees lies the lake we will cross to reach Lord Manwe's halls," Quelinde told her daughter.

The group swiftly reached the other side of the Tree's. As her mother had said, Manwe's halls stood white as snow upon the peeks of Taniquetil. They left their horses in Manwe's stables and climbed aboard the ferry.

* * *

The Halls of Manwe were unlike any thing Calime had seen before. Giant large white trees grew out of white rocks. Their pearly leaves sprawled out across a roof that mirrored the now fading light of Laurelin. Tacalimenna stood in Manwe's main hall beside her parents and friend. The entire hall was silent as Feanor was reconciled with Fingolfin. 

Calime's eyes wandered over Feanor. She took in his dark hair and steel grey eyes. How she admired the elf. Her stomach was in flutters just being that close to him. He was fair as well as a great craftsman, one of the greatest among the Noldor. Calime's cheeks grew warm at the thought of him.

Arnono gently shook her hand to bring her back to the present. She turned her head towards him and he smiled. All thoughts of Feanor fled her mind for how could they stay when one so gentle cared for her, at least as a friend but it did not matter for she was very fond of him. He was as fair as any elf she had seen, She felt her heart warm, looking at him. His dark hair was framed by a golden halo of Laurelin's light and his grey eyes shone with amusement. There was a softness in him that could never be found in Feanor.

Everyone began leaving the hall and Arnono looked briefly at Calime's parents He took her hand and lead a confused Calime out on to one of Manwe's balconies. He faced her and laughed seeing her fair brow furrowed in her confusion. He brought a hand up to caress her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. Her eyes widened and her breath caught at the emotion in his.

"Calime, I can no longer hide," he told her softly. "I…I have feelings for you. I cannot bear only being friends any longer. I…" he turned away towards Laurelin, "I think I love you."

Calime stood frozen for a moment not knowing how to reply. Hearing nothing from her, Arnono bowed his head and said nothing more. Calime felt a pain inside of her, seeing his sadness. She closed her eyes and searched deep inside herself for an answer. She smiled wistfully as she found images of him. Then she knew, her eyes flying wide open. She walked to him and put her hand on his shoulder, turning him around.

"I love you as well," she said with a smile.

Arnono's sadness fled and he swiftly swept her up into his arms. They laughed together joyously. Arnono set Calime down and kissed her. Calime felt her soul fly and she laughed again. For a moment they were caught in a world all their own. Then the ground began to shake.

Laurelin's light flickered on Calime's face and she looked past Arnono's shoulder. Her went wide and she screamed. Moving towards the two trees was a giant spider, air as black as night surrounding her and evil pervaded from her. Melkor followed beside her carrying a great spear. Calime back in fright and pointed. Arnono turned around and saw. Swiftly he turned back and drew Calime towards him as the Noldor swept onto the balcony in tides. Calime pressed to him and shook violently in fright. Tears fell from her eyes as she watched the great spider sucked the light from the wounds on the trees that Morgoth had inflicted. The Valar quickly gathered as force but they were too late. Ungoliant had fled with Melkor and the trees' light was gone. Weeping could be heard all around the Halls of Manwe.

* * *

The days that followed the death of the Trees were days of darkness and fright. Calime and her family dared not leave the safety of Manwe's Halls. Quelinde wept and her father silently mourned. All Calime could do was stare in utter sorrow at the silvery and golden sap that covered the green hill of Ezellohar, the hill that bore the dead trees. Arnono stood silently beside her and what went on in his mind, she could only guess. He gazed off into the distance, brow furrowed as if contemplation. 

The Valar gave chase to Morgoth but were deterred by a gigantic cloud of darkness, darker than the deepest depths of the sea. The blackness came upon Valinor like a mourning veil, shrouding it so that no light penetrated and all hearts were lost in sorrow and fear. The Valar themselves wept for the loss of their mighty creations.

After a great time, the blackness was driven back by the Manwe's winds and Varda's stars let their light upon Valinor once again. One day a crowd of elves followed Yavanna out to Ezellohar. Calime looked upon the trees as Yavanna touched them and she knew they could not be saved. Tacalimenna hung her head and wept as Yavanna turned and told the Valar what she already knew. Hope then turned to Feanor, for he had created the Silmarils, but Feanor's love for the jewels was great and he was reluctant to part with them. Calime felt anger well inside of her. She could not understand why Feanor would not relinquish the jewels when all of Valinor was in need of light.

Nienna fell down upon Ezellohar and wept away the remnants of Ungoliant's evil. As she sang her song, Calime turned and wept upon Arnono's shoulder. He drew her in tightly to his embrace and rested his chin on her head. Even as they stood there riders came from Formenos bearing tidings that would be the downfall of the Noldor.

"Lord Feanor!" one of them cried as he dismounted from his horse.

Feanor went before him and the man knelt. Feanor's face went white for he knew there could be no good tidings.

The messenger did not look up, "A great darkness came to Formenos, my lord. Many of us fled in blind terror but King Finwe did not. Melkor came also with the darkness and slew Lord Finwe and took the Silmarils."

Feanor's head fell a moment and swiftly raised again, his eyes ablaze with fury. He turned towards Manwe, "Morgoth I name Melkor, Black foe of the world. Manwe if not for your summons I would have been in Formenos at that hour. Curse you!"

That was all he said and he turned and ran from Taniquetil.

A great lamentation was taken up among the Noldor. Calime sank into Arnono and wept a river. They lamented for both Finwe and the Trees. All knew a time of great sorrow lay before them. Yavanna feared the Silmarils would fall into darkness and fear spread through Valinor like wild fire. The Silmarils did not fall into darkness, but the Noldor would.


	2. Atalantie

**Chapter 2: **_Atalantië _(Downfall)

Soon, the Noldor returned to Tirion. However, their beloved city did not seem the same to Calime and she knew it never would. A time of peace and beauty had ended for them. With the death of the trees, had come the death of Valinor's light. Each day, Calime sat in her room, looking out at the grey streets below. No, there was no day, not as there had been. Night blended into night and each hour was a darkness lit only by Varda's stars. She felt a heavy sorrow that she was so unaccustomed to. Valinor was a land of fairness and merriment. The darkness confused her, felt unfamiliar and unrelenting.

Yet she also felt a forboding. Tears came to Calime's eyes as she sat there one day. Feanor had come to the city and Arnono had gone to hear him speak. Arnono had grown distant from her. He desired to go to Middle Earth but she did not. Her thoughts ran a mess through her head. If the Noldor were to try to leave the Blessed Realm as Feanor and Arnono apparently, wished, then something terrible would happen, she knew it.

She wrapped her arms around herself and wished that she could lay her head on his shoulder and cry away her fears. It was all too heavy for her and no matter how much she wished for it, time could not turn back and the Trees were still dead. She closed her eyes, hoping to open them and find light outside her window. However, when she opened them, there was nothing but the endless grey dark lit by cold and pale dots.

She shut her eyes again, unwilling to look at it. It was like a dark stain on the white folds of a gown. It marred the beauty that had been.

The door behind Calime opened and she turned to see who had entered. Arnono was standing there and for a moment, she thought she could have the comfort she seeked. Then she looked in his eyes and she knew that though they might still care for each other, there was nothing there to be had. All the dreams she had had before the Trees had died with them. There was nothing left. His eyes held anger and excitement and she knew something was changing.

Arnono shifted the pack he had on his shoulders, "Come with me. I swore an oath, Calime. I will travel to Middle Earth with Feanor and his sons, through whatever grief we may toil through. I wish you to travel with us as well. The Noldor leave now."

Calime stood, anger coursing through her. She turned away and folded her arms, "I bid you not to go, Arnono."

"It is too late now, Calime. I have already sworn the oath. I would not turn back any way. I desire to walk on lands untouched by elfin foot," he replied with passion.

She faced him. "Is that desire greater than the love that you bear for me?" she asked. "The Valar do not want you to go and you will leave in anger. What good do you think this will lead to? I feel a foreboding, as do many others. This quest, this oath, will bring us great sorrow. Would you wander willingly into that?"

"I will go for I cannot turn back now," he answered but his eyes softened. "Of course my desire is not greater than my love for you but an oath is. Come with me and we can build a home on those distant shores."

"Is it strong enough to loose me for?" she asked angrily. "Will you not listen to one whom you love and who loves you?"

Arnono's eyes turned sad, "Calime, please, I do not wish to loose you. I am listening to you; I only cannot do what it is you ask. I love you more than my life."

He reached for her, his heart aching to think that she would even doubt his love. She was the only one he had ever felt this way for in his more than millennia long life. But would he break and oath to be with her? He asked himself. Would he?

Arnono drew back his hand as Calime backed away from him and he answered his question. His desire to go to Middle Earth was too strong and he did not love Calime enough to be doomed for all eternity as he would be if he broke the oath. The foreboding many elves had had came upon him. It was heavy, as if his fate had been decided and his future self knew it but wished to turn back. But he could not turn back. His feet were set on his doomed path and he knew. He felt a shift in his fate.

Calime looked at Arnono with sad pain-filled eyes but he did not see her. His eyes were slightly glazed and his face was nearly emotionless. His lack of attention to her annoyed her to no end and she felt herself growing even angrier. He would not listen to her. He was going to go, no matter what. She would go with him then. Arnono was shaken from his daze when Calime tore a leather pack from the chest at her bed's end. She began to pack, nearly yelling at him in anger as she did so.

"I will go with you but only for a chance to persuade you to leave this foolish quest. But heed these words. If we reach the eastern shores, you shall have to fight hard to win my hand in marriage," she spat, hot tears of anger escaping her flaming eyes.

I should tell her not to come, Arnono heard in the back of his mind but he ignored it. He would pay no mind to whatever warnings he received.

"I will not be persuaded," he warned.

Calime had to take a moment to gain her control before she turned to him, "I care not what you say now, I will still try, though I don't know if it will be worth my pain to save your sorry soul. I hope you know that you are condemning us both."

Arnono felt a slight anger rise in him at her insult but its fire was doused by the pang he felt in him at her last words. He knew what she said was true, or would, at least. Whatever dangers and pain she faced would be because of his thick-headedness, if that is what it was. Arnono looked at Calime. Her eyes and cheeks blazed in her anger and her dark hair fell about her wine-clothed shoulders in flowing rivulets. He rephrased his question to himself. Was this quest, his desire, worth the pain she might face?

"Calime, wait. You should stay behind," he said, hoping to dissuade her where before he had tried to persuade her.

Angry shining eyes looked up at him and her hands still, "You would leave me behind now, would you? It is too late for that. I am coming with you and may you bear whatever guilt it brings."

She stood and heaved her pack over her shoulders. She paused when the sound of a trumpet rang through the room. She looked Arnono and knew it was time to leave. There was no more time for words, however sweet or angered they might be. Nor was there time to make new memories before leaving. Arnono slid out the door and she turned to her room one more time, looking it over with sadness. Then she followed him.

Crowds of Noldor who were staying behind lined the streets. They watched the parade, some with scorning eyes and anger, others with tears and sadness. There were wives and families being left behind by ambitious husbands. Parents were loosing their sons and daughters, siblings loosing brothers and sisters. Friends watched friends go and lovers bid a bitter farewell to lovers.

From the sidelines, a child suddenly came forth. His eyes were filled with tears and his cheeks and ears were red from running. He searched the parade as if looking for someone. Calime's heart clenched when she heard him cry. She drew her hood up and wept while she listened.

"Ata, ata! Please do not leave," the child cried. His mother came up behind him and swept him into her arms. Calime could not see the father but the mother had a mixture of hope and sadness on her face.

It occurred to Calime that some of the Noldor might be getting hope from this. She knew her kin were very curious. They would reach Middle Earth and scope out new land. Perhaps the man would send for his wife and child when he reached the eastern shores, she did not know. Nor could she fathom how one could hope for such a thing. The Noldor were leaving against the will of the Valar.

When the reached the gate, they were met by a pool of Noldor bearing the same emotions as the rest of the crowd. Calimë was surprised to find a few friends there. Cuanie, Calime's best friend, faced her with terrible anger and grief on her face. Calime looked her straight in the eyes, feeling no shame, for there was none to be had. When she had caught sight of the crowd, Calime had made a wise decision. She would not go to the eastern shores; she would only travel to the end of the western and then return with or without Arnono. Though she tried to send this thought to Cuanie, Cuanie huffed and slapped her.

"How could you, Calime?" she asked her fiercely. "You have friends here, you have family here. You cannot leave for Middle Earth. Would you betray us so?"

Calime showed her palms in peace, "No, Cuanie. I am only traveling to the edge of the west. Arnono is set on reaching the eastern lands and I still hope to have a chance to dissuade him. I am coming back, if I can," she added.

Cuanie sighed and embraced Calime, "He is a fool. He will drag you into whatever perils lay on the other side of this gate. Take care, Calime. Return with or without him, if you may."

The gates opened as Calime bid her final farewell to her friends, promising them she would return, whenever that may be. She looked around behind her for her parents but could not see them. She asked Cuanie to bring them a message and began to follow the groups of Noldor. They were halfway through the gate when a messenger from Manwe stopped them.

"Against the folly of Feanor shall be set my counsel only. Go not forth! For the hour is evil, and your road leads to sorrow that ye do not forsee. No aid will the Valar lend you in this quest; but neither will they hinder you; for this ye shall know: as ye came hither freely, freely shall ye depart. But thou Feanor Finwe's son, by thine oath art exiled. The lies of Melkor thou shalt unlearn in bitterness. Vala is he, thou saist. Then thou hast sworn in vain, for none of the Valar canst thou over-come now or ever within the halls of Ea, not though Eru whom thou namest had made thee thrice greater than thou art," he warned them. (Silmarillion, p. 85)

Feanor spoke next but Calime did not pay him heed. Instead she turned to Arnono, pleading with him once again.

"Hear what words Manwe says. Heeding them would be wise," she said to him. "Do not do this. You are walking to your doom. I fear we shall see much sorrow before we even leave these shores. Would you take both you and I through that?"

"My fate is set," was all he would answer. He looked at her with sad eyes as if it were the last time he would be looking at her. She had the urge to jump on him and beat him while she wept. He was being a fool. Was he not thinking at all? She would only follow him to the shores but that did not mean she did not care about what happened to him after. Her heart nearly broke thinking of the love she would loose and the dangers that could befall Arnono.

The Noldor began to march again and she stood back for a moment, hoping beyond hope that he would turn around and walk back to the city with her, begging her forgiveness. But he did not. She stood there instead, watching him walk away, shoulders slumped, not turning back to see where she was. She hid her face in her hood again and turned back as the gates shut. Just before they could, she caught a glimpse of her father looking for her. Her mother stood in tears listening to Cuanie speak. Then the sliver and white gate closed with a dull thud.

"Keep well for me Tirion," Calime whispered. "I know not when I shall return."

The walk to Alqualonde was long and quiet. Calime walked several paces behind Arnono, watching his back. Fury burned in her veins. She could kill him. He wouldn't listen. Was there no way to persuade him to give it up?

Calime looked at the scenery around her. They were passing through the Calacirya in a straight path towards Alqualonde. A recollection of the Valinor of the Two Trees rested in the high stony walls of the pass. The rocks glowed faintly silver and gold, lighting the pathway of the Noldor. Behind the high peaks, Varda's stars glinted enchantingly, like clear jewels on blue velvet. This has been a land of such beauty under Laurelin and Telperion. It was still beautiful but Valinor was not quite Valinor any more.

She wondered what lay at Alqualonde. The Noldor would need ships to cross the ocean. What if the Teleri refused to aid them? Feanor's wrath would be great. She had seen what it could do before, but felt a forboding. That had been a weaker side of Feanor's fury. What could he unleash from inside him in his madness? What would the Teleri be provoking if they refused?

Feanor's host reached Alqualonde before theirs. What met their eyes when they finally passed from Calacirya was a shock and a horror. They were not far from Alqualonde, which was burning in the dark. Calime gasped. What was happening? Why was Alqualonde burning? She turned and looked helplessly for Arnono for some reason in the madness. A soft indrawn breath alerted her that he stood by her side. He was gazing down at her when she looked up at him.

To her surprise, he drew her into his arms, holding her tightly. "Calime, please forgive me," he whispered, his eyes reflecting the fire less than a league away. "I should not have drawn you into this. I did not know this is what it would lead to."

Calime wept into his chest, "Will you return with me now?"

"As soon as this is finished, I will," he answered, finally giving into reason.

Fingolfin led his group hurriedly down to the shore. No one stopped to consider that the Teleri might have been attacked by the Noldor rather than the other way around. Arnono drew his sword. Turning to Calime, he held her one more time.

"I promise you now, I will return with you to Tirion as soon as this madness is solved," he drew back. "I love you with all my heart, Calime. I was blind not to see that."

"Be safe, dear heart," she replied.

He smiled weakly at her and turned away, following Fingolfin's horns. The host charged into the throng and began fighting the Teleri. Calime gasped and sobbed as she watched the fray. Tainted water washed Valinor's jeweled shores in blood. High above the pearly towers of Alqualonde, the seagulls croaked out a mourning song for their beloved Teleri. Noldor and Teleri lay dying on the docks. In the sky Varda's stars sparkled brightly and Calime looked up to them briefly from where she stood. Their glittering light seemed not happy and calming as it had to her in the past, but sad. It seemed as though everything was weeping. The waves crashed against the rocks lining the bay, spraying their salty tears over the fighting elves. Yet still, though their kinsmen had fallen and were falling around them, steel rang on steel.

Calime nearly screamed in anguish. She knew that this was not right. Her face was hot with her anger against Feanor. Once she had revered the Noldorin craftsman, but now she watched as he mercilessly killed his Telerin kin. It mattered not if the Teleri had attacked the Noldor first. Feanor must have done something to provoke them. She looked down at the swan boats. Noldor were trying to capture the ships and the Teleri were trying to stop them. This was a consequence of Feanor's wrath, she knew it. Any respect she had held for him was gone in an instance and replaced with a burning hate. How could an elf abide by this? It was an atrocity that she was sure would be sung about with scorn all over Arda for many ages.

What if she was part of those songs? She _would _be part of those songs. She was there viewing the battle, from a ways away buy she stilled viewed it. She would be able to tell of the horrid tragedy with real emotion, the grief and horror that coursed through her now. She wondered if one day she would sit and listen to the tale and be brought back to this moment.

Calime turned her gaze to the dock where Arnono was fighting and froze. There was a flash of bright sliver and suddenly red blood was spreading out over Arnono's tunic. The Teleri that had stabbed him let go of his sword and backed up in shock. Calime's mind was blank as though it had frozen with her. Arnono fell slowly like an actor in a play. An empty moment passed before Calime felt icy cold seep over her. As if waking from a dream, a choked sound emitted from her throat and she tore pass the battling to the dock.

Calime met Arnono just in time to catch him. His arms went around her shoulders and he half held on to her, half hugged her. He held her tight with his failing strength. She wept and pleaded with him not to leave her.

"Lá, melmenya," she begged sobbing. "You cannot leave me." (No, my love.)

Arnono breathed heavily as his blood left his body, "I a…am sorry, Calime. I s…see now, I never sh…should have taken the oath," he swallowed. "Melinyel." (I love you)

He slid down slowly, his blood darkening Calime's dress. His last breath hissed from his throat and he fell limp in her arms, dragging her to the ground with him. He was dead. It felt like the sword of Orome had come down and smote her in half, so great was the pain that she felt. She gasped out a few sobs then stilled, any rational thoughts fleeing her mind.

This was Feanor's fault and the fault of the Telerin that had struck him. The blame lay with the entire elfin race, including the Teleri. Rising, eyes darkened with hate and sadness, she slowly drew Arnono's sword. She turned around to face a stunned Teleri, who stood looking at Arnono's body with wide eyes. He then looked her with sympathy and sorrow, until he saw the sword in her hand.

One couldn't say he put up much of a fight when she raised it against him, screaming with rage. She spun fast, without much thought, blocking blow after blow as the Teleri blocked her own. Some how though, she managed to brake his defenses. He fought with stunned strikes, as though he was walking half in the dream world, half in the light. He missed her blow and the blade sunk into his chest with a sting.

Calime stopped, letting go of the blade as if it had stung her when she felt his warm blood wash over her hand and arm. The Teleri's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell into the sea. He was dead. She had killed him. It had passed in but a few moments. Had it actually happened? She was dreaming a nightmare that is all. She would wake up and find herself back in her room in Tirion. She couldn't move. She only blinked.

Reality came back to her in a rush. Dazed, she walked to the end of the dock. She could not go back now. Calime looked down to the blood stained shores. There was no going home, not after what had happened here. She had killed her own kin. She squeezed her hand as tight a she could. There was no punishment. There was no undoing it. A beautiful silver-haired Teleri had died beneath her blade. Arnono had died by theirs. Every moment seemed like an endless, listless nightmare. She did not know what to do in the present or what to do in the future. There was nothing to do with herself. She just sat there staring into the dead dark.

The stars shined above in the deep blue sky, shredding their cold clear light upon the Earth. Valinor was destroyed. The trees were gone. The Noldor had left Tirion. Arnono was dead. Teleri had died. Valinor was cold, grey and blood stained. Her jewel pure shores were no longer such. Her sea did not sparkled and the grass was not soft and green as it had been for Calime's eyes. Valinor was a dead dream. The past no longer held any merit; the memories were stained. The future held no hope. All was gone. The clear glass that protected Valinor's people from the rain had shattered.

What had she done? Why had she done it? Calime's dry eyes ached. There were no tears left for her to shed, she was empty. The sorrow she felt was strong and heavy. She wanted to lie imply on the ground, languishing and unmoving. She would be paralyzed beneath the weight of her guilt and despair. Her entire body would die beneath it. She would simply lie there in a Hellish eternity.

She closed her eyes and fell back with a thud. The world disappeared and she lingered in a placid limbo. Her body felt as though it were rocking back and forth. The pain was lulled from her and she heard only Eru's song.

She knew not how long she had lain there when she perceived a growing darkness in the sky through her dream-filled open eyes. She woke to hear large booms of the like she had never heard before. Light flashed across the sky. She quaked with fear. What was this phenomenon but the Valar's wrath? Indeed, the voice of Mandos came from between the clouds.

"_Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; and the Valar will fence Valinor against you, and shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the moutains. On the House of Feanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also. Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well; and by treason of kin unto kin and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Disposessed shall they be forever._

_  
Ye have spilled the blood of your kindred unrighteously and have stained the land of Aman. For blood ye shall render blood, and beyond Aman ye shall dwell in Death's shadow. For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Ea, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain ye may be, and slain ye shall be: by weapon and by torment and grief; and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos. There long shall ye abide and yearn for your bodies, and find little pity though all whom ye have slain should entreat for you. And those that endure in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos shall grow weary of the world as with a great burden, and shall wane, and become as shadows of regret before the younger race that cometh after. The Valar have spoken." _(Silmarillion)

Calime felt that her heart could not break further. It was shattered glass within her chest. She was banished from her home. She literally could not go back to Tirion, whether she desired to or not. She sunk to the ground. She had lost every thing dear to her in one day. Valinor was destroyed.

Water fell from the sky. She had never seen such before but she was too deep in her misery to realize it was happening. She took upon herself the name Atalantie, down fall, for she was the downfall of a Teleri and she had lost all. She sunk deep into a reverie, moving blindly through the next days. Her sorrow consumed her, inside and out. She did not even notice when the Teleri and Noldor left in the swan boats.


	3. Helcaraxe and the First MoonRising

**Chapter 3: Helcaraxë and the First Moon-Rising**

The next few… days…weeks… months… she did not know which… passed in a haze. She sat on the shore watching the waves turn in the starlight. The blue velvet sky was sewn together with the silky water at the horizon. The water glittered, reflecting the firmament, as its melody blended with the cries of the winds and the sea birds into a sorrowfully sweet song that rang in her heart. She felt broken inside. She had lost all that she had. She was exiled from her home with no chance of seeing her family who no doubt knew of her deeds by then. Worst of all, Arnono was not there to help her bear the pain.

Arnono still lay on the docks, pale and unmoving. She looked around for the Teleri she had killed. She gasped when she saw him being dragged on the shore by another silver-haired being. She had slain someone's relative. It hit home in her heart. She leapt up and began to walk slowly towards the laboring man. Her heart pounded in her ears and tears came unbidden to her eyes but she blinked them back. The Teleri looked up at her with a sad and surprised face.

"Él síla lúmena vomentienguo, arpeno," he greeted her solemnly with a bow. He was not rude but had an air of suspicion about him.

Her eyes began to fill as she bowed back, "Málan vomentienguo."

He spoke to her next in Quenya, making her eyes spill over with his considerateness, "What is your name, my lady?"

"I am…" she paused a moment, thinking. "Atalantië. And you, my lord?"

"Gaiarnello of Alqualonde, his brother," he replied pointing to the man in his arms.

Calimë swallowed, "May I aid you, my lord?"

Gaiarnello's eyes darkened with sorrow and anger, "Have not your people already done enough?"

"Haryal nyérenya, Silmë Heru," Calimë nearly whispered, intense regret evident in her voice. "I would that I could remedy the present sorrow. I would that it had never happened. But I cannot change what has already been done."

The Teleri scowled, "You can refrain from adding further insult."

His words seared Calimë's heart. She placed a hand to her chest and bowed deeply, in respect for the Teleri and remorse for her deeds.

"The Valar keep you," the words felt like blasphemy coming from her unworthy lips.

Gaiarnello's eyes clouded, "Avanie, please."

Calimë bowed her head and turned towards the docks. All around her, Teleri and Noldor collected their dead loved ones to be burned. The elves had quickly invented a new way t o honor the dead. There had never been need of ceremonies such as the ones lining the beach before. Death was not unheard of but it was unfamiliar to the elves since they were immortal. A mass slaying like this had been was a stunning blow for them.

Calimë walked slowly down the beach to the docks, eyes on the water. It shimmered golden in the fire light for a ways out. Its black depths swallowed up the light like Calimë's guilt swallowed her soul. She should have told the Teleri that she had been his brother's murderer but she could not get the words past her lips. Murder was what they had all committed.

She looked to Arnono. Her love needed to be burned. As she passed a lord and lady walking on the beach, she reached out and touched his arm. He turned to her inquisitively.

"Will you aid me in setting up a pyre?" she asked softly.

It was the lady who answered, sympathy in her eyes, "Of course we will. I am Cuillairë Indiliel and this is my brother, Valaralyion Indilion," she pointed to the male. "We would be glad to aid you, my lady."

"Please," said Calimë, eyes downcast. "Call me Atalantië."

The lady's brow furrowed and she put her arm around Calimë's shoulder, "Call me Hantalë then. You have lost someone special?" she asked gently.

"My love," Calimë choked.

Hantalë nodded slowly as they walked on to the docks where Arnono lay. Valaralyion walked before them. When they reached his body, Valaralyion stood over him. Calimë looked at Arnono for a moment then dropped to her knees beside him, weeping. She felt gentle hands on her shoulders.

"Come now, Atalantië," Hantalë soothed. "Let us go gather wood and reeds for the pyre whilst my brother wraps your love in a white cloth."

Calimë let herself be led towards the shore, wiping her eyes as she walked. She and Hantalë gathered reeds and wood. For a moment, they were unsure how to build the pyre. They did not have enough wood to build something to lay Arnono on. Calimë laid down her wood and took the reeds from Hantalë. Her mother's kin had taught her to weave the reeds into blankets and covers for a shelter. She had never needed the skill before but now it served her well. She weaved a blanket large enough to hold Arnono.

Valaralyion stacked the wood as a frame and Calimë tied the reed blanket to it. She, Hantalë and Valaralyion lifted Arnono. Then Valaralyion struck the firestones together and lit the reeds. The flames quickly engulfed the frame. Calimë forced herself to watch. White smoke furled out from the fire and wrapped her in its biting scent. Tears and smoke stung her eyes as she began to sing a mourning song.

_Darkness fell and loved ones sleep_

_Valinor has fallen into a void_

_Never shall I know a love as deep_

_As the one I lost on an eve_

_Their songs through the land rings_

_Voices raised in mourning melodies_

_Full is our world of tainted things _

_Our hope is lost and burned _

_Rise thee to Mandos, my sweet love_

_Watch over us from on high_

_Save from our follies undreamed of_

_And rest thee all the while_

Her stingingly sweet alto filled the ears of her sorrowful companions. Her song was smooth but filled with the pain that defined the slaying in the Havens. Her love and her home were lost and she was not the only one to have it so. Alqualonde was filled with exiled Noldor and grieving Telerin. It was as though it were not only Arnono burning on the pyre but all that she had known as well. All that she had loved was consumed by the flames and turned to ash. When the fire had died, the wind picked up the ashes and blew them towards the stars. They, with Hope, would be cradled ever in Varda's arms, high above reach.

"I am sorry for your loss," Hantalë's voice broke her from her thoughts. Her helper looked her over. "You could do with a bath," she said softly. "Come, Atalantië, and I will aid you."

Calime nodded and bent down to gather her effects. Hantale lead her to a secluded alcove at the edge of the bay. Calime looked at the water and dove in without taking her dress off. The cold water rushed up to meet her and enveloped her head in its icy grasp. She came to the surface gasping and trembling but the aches of her body seemed to fade a bit. She tore off her wet dress, unheeding of her see through under gown and dove back into the waves. A splash alerted her that Hantale had dived in as well.

She stood up, enjoying the feeling of the wet sand between her toes. She scrubbed her hands, face, neck and hair vigorously to rid it if the dried blood. When she was finished she would not be completely clean but a least the only remnants of the battle on her would be her memories. She felt some of her sorrow slide from her as the water slide from her hair. What she had said to the Teleri had been true. As difficult as it was to accept, she could not change the past now. Despite this logic, guilt and sorrow still nagged at her. She could have done something to change it in the past. If only she had not let her rage take her over and had refrained from killing the Teleri. She wished that she had never left Tirion in the first place.

Turning to the East she looked out towards the end of Varda's stars. What lay waiting out there? She wondered. Some many perils, so many heartaches could be waiting. Yet also could be hope. There could be a new future out there. She could go to Arda and start anew. She could not quite grasp what that hope would be. Her heart would have to move on first and that might never happen. There was a long road ahead, she knew, and no matter what, that road would be paved with much sorrow.

* * *

It was weeks later and Calime sat on the beach with Hantalë and Valaralyion. The kind lady had refused to leave her lest she start to fade like other elves had. Hantale understood her sorrow but she would not let her give into it. She had forced Calime to camp with her and her brother after they had bathed. She had literally grabbed Calimë's arm and dragged before the fire her brother had started. Calime had sat and watched as the maiden fixed her a pallet and brought her some food. She had stared at the food a moment and then looked at Hantalë who sighed in frustration and blatantly commanded her to eat or she would force-feed her. The woman was stubborn. All Calime had wanted to do was sit in languor and Hantalë had forced her to walk the beach every day or go swimming in the alcove. Calime moaned but inside she knew she would be grateful later in her life.

So the Calime that sat on the beach was healthier and a slight bit happier than she had weeks ago when she had burned Arnono. She watched Valaralyion swing his sword in circles over his shoulders. The Noldor was anxious to leave the despairing shores like so many others. They knew it would take still more weeks before the ships returned to pick them up but they were already growing restless from waiting.

She took her gaze off him and turned it towards the East, to where the ships had sailed. She blinked. On the horizons an orange light flickered. She would have thought it was a star but it was slightly larger and a small black cloud shaded the stars behind it. It flickered and spun almost like a flame. Her brow furrowed.

"Hantale, what is that?"

Hantale looked up from the book she had been reading. Her eyes grew troubled, "I do not know."

They both stood up and walked to the edge of the water, Valaralyion in tow. Calime peered over the water, straining to see what the strange light could be. Around them more Noldor pooled to get a look. Lord Fingolfin pushed his way through the crowd to stand beside them. Calime curtsied instinctively but he paid her no heed so she turned back to the water. It looked like something was burning across the sea.

The Lord confirmed her answer. "It is fire," he said clenching his teeth and said to himself. "Feanor is burning the ships."

Despite the fact that he had meant that to be heard only by himself, the Noldor heard it. A collective gasp rose and the panic was evident. Calime felt stunned. He would not do such a thing, would he? Surely Feanor repented his sins as well? She could not be certain but if he was that heartless then she regretted ever looking up to him. How could an elf cause so many to die and then follow up with an act like this? Never had she thought such evil could come from an elf.

"My lord," she said in an outburst. Her voice was almost pleading with him, "Surely he would not do such a thing?"

Lord Fingolfin just looked at her. His face betrayed nothing of what he felt save for his eyes. They were pained. She did not need him to say a word, that look said it all. Hers eyes filled again with tears. She had not known it was possible to weep so much.

A quiet fell over the Noldor. The air was filled with their silent panic as they watched the light begin to fade. Lord Tauru, the Lord's main advisor, broke the silence with a simple but important question.

"What course are we to follow now?"

Lord Fingolfin thought a moment before answering, "I am going to Arda. We cannot turn back now and I would see Feanor pay for his evil deeds. We will take the Helcaraxë, for it is the only way now."

A shudder passed through those who knew that name. Helcaraxë, the Grinding Ice. Calime had never seen it, nor had any of the Noldor present she would have thought, but they had heard of it before. Many horrific tales were told of that land. Nothing grew there and it was cold enough to freeze an elf to death. How would they make it across?

"We leave two days hence," Lord Fingolfin announced before leaving the beach.

Many of the elves stood frozen by terror. Slowly elves began to disperse once they resigned themselves to their doom. They knew that their hardships and grievances had only just begun. Many had known that even before then when the Noldor had marched out of Tirion.

Soon only Valaralyion, Calime and Hantale were left on the beach. Hantale turned to Calime. She looked stunned and afraid.

"The Helcaraxë," she whispered, her voice trembling. "What are we going to do?"

Calime did not have an answer for her. She did not know what to do except follow Fingolfin. She was not ready to return to Tirion; she doubted she ever would be.

Valaralyion gently took her hand and Hantalë's and led them back to the camp. He sat them down on the stools before the fire and knelt in front of them. He looked at both of them and smiled faintly.

"We will stay together," he said. He looked at Calime, "Travel with us if you will since you have no other companion."

"Tancave," Calime replied, tears running their course down her cheek.

Hantalë smiled at her faintly and Calime could not help but smile back. The Lady's eyes shimmered with unshed tears and she turned to her brother giving him a hug. Calime felt as though she were on the outside watching them. Hantale had her brother but Calime had left all her family behind. Yet, she was somewhat comforted. She would not have to travel alone.

"Thank you," she said when brother and sister had broken apart.

Hantale looked at her, "You are welcome. Perhaps we shall become great friends."

"Perhaps," Calime agreed.

Silence fell for a few moments but was broken by Valaralyion. "Shall we eat now?" he asked standing and retrieving three plates from his bag.

He filled their plates with cheese, bread and berries and their goblets with wine. They ate in silence, thinking of the journey ahead of them. When they lay down on their pallets, their hunger was satiated but dread filled them. Two days hence, they would start a long journey that would be full of hardships and last longer than the Helcaraxë did.

* * *

The journey through the Helcaraxë was worse than anyone had dared to imagine. It was a giant sheet of ice filled with mountains and valleys that were near impossible to climb. It was so cold that many of the Noldor forgot the meaning of warmth. Icy mists turned every tear the shed to ice before hit the ground. You could not light a fire on the ice. The only thing you could do for warmth was stay close to each other and wrap yourselves in whatever clothing and blankets you had brought with you.

All around Calime, elves fell on the ice, frozen to death. They would lay there long after the Noldor had passed for to try and drag them along was suicide. Many death loved ones were simply left to rot on the ice. Their families moved on through their grief and more often then not, faded until they lay down to join those they had left behind.

20 years is not normally a long time to the elves but it felt like an eternity crossing that Hellish land. It was a miracle that Hantale, Valaralyion and Calime survived. The three became each other's family. At night, they would lie embracing each other, the two maidens wrapped in each of Valaralyion's arms, and put their blankets over each other for warmth.

Those that were alive, including the three, suffered much. Their skin grew dry and chapped to the point of bleeding. Calimë's dark hair grew slimy and oily and her scalp itched. She was almost tempted to cut it off but it made a warm, albeit itchy, scarf when wrapped around her neck and over her mouth and nose. She saved her ears from freezing off by wrapping a strip from the bottom of her dress around them. She borrowed Valaralyion's pants to keep her legs warm.

There was nothing glorious or heroic about the crossing. Many wished fervently that they had never left Tirion, never mind Valinor but they were there and there was no turning back. Everyone completed the crossing to Arda and was awed by the sight they received when they reached it.

* * *

_**20 years after leaving Valinor**_

When she had first started out on to the ice, Calime had had to watch ever step she made to keep from slipping. She would have fell at even the gentlest touch. Now she walked huddled with Hantalë, not needing to cast an eye towards where they were walking.

The elf-maiden who had first walked on to the Helcaraxë was not the same who would walk off. She was harder and wiser, perhaps. At first she had wept all the time at seeing the bodies of Noldor left along their path. Now, as she watched them fall, she felt a twinge of sorrow in her heart but shed not a tear. She had once liked luxury but now thought only of survival. She had not had a simple bath in longer than she could remember and even her finest dress was nothing but a rag. She was thin from lack of food and her mouth was dry from lack of water but they hardly bothered her because she was so used to it.

She did not even look to the stars any more. All her faith in the Valar had faded. She knew she could only rely on herself and her two companions.

Valaralyion spoke suddenly. Speaking was such a rare occurrence for any of them

"We are stopping to camp," he informed them.

Calime and Hantalë stopped without a word and set their packs down. It was the same every time they stopped to camp. There were no fires and little food. They would sit and rest for a while, perhaps eat a very small meal, and then they would sleep. They seldom said anything to each other.

Tonight was different though. They were coming close to Arda. Lord Fingolfin thought they would reach land before next they camped. Weary relief and sadness spread through out the Noldor quickly. Land meant more food, baths and new clothing but they would be leaving behind many lost loved ones.

"We will be to Arda soon," Valaralyion said to make conversation.

"Yes, it will be nice, will it not?" Hantalë asked wearily.

Calime nodded in agreement and drew out some bread and cheese, handing them to her companions. "It will be nice to have a bath and perhaps sleep in a warm bed. We should not hope for very much, though."

"I am looking forward to a good meal," Valaralyion sighed dreamily then his face turned serious. "It is sad that we shall have to leave so many behind. I would that they could share the comfort we shall soon receive."

For the first time in many years Calime's thoughts went to Arnono. She would that he could share them with her. She had left him behind, though, and that was the way it must be or she too would fade. When she reached the land, she would start her quest for redemption.

Hantale put a hand on her friend's shoulder, "You were thinking of Arnono, were you not?"

Calime nodded, "Yes but I must let go now. I must move on and try to redeem myself."

"We all regret what happened at Alqualonde," Valaralyion said.

"Then we must all redeem ourselves," she answered.

"What will we do when we reach Arda?" Hantale asked them.

Valaralyion replied, "We will either follow Fingolfin, acquire ourselves a map or both."

"Perhaps it would be wisest to follow Fingolfin for a while, to stay with the rest of the Noldor," Calime offered. "Besides, I would be there when Fingolfin confronts Feanor."

Hantale nodded, her eyes burning with anger, "I agree. I would see Feanor pay for all he has done. It is because of him that we faced the horrors of the Helcaraxë."

"Nay," Calime said. "It our own fault for ever having walked out the gates of Tirion. Feanor may have caused the kinslaying but we should never have left our home. We are to blame for our misfortunes, no one else."

"No, we should not have," Valaralyion agreed. "We are all to blame, not just one of us. We are free to make our own decisions."

Hantalë sighed, "Some fine decisions we made."

"The past is the past. Our decisions are made and cannot be undone. The only thing we can do is try to atone for them," Calime said wisely.

"I have asked myself many questions many time. Why did I leave Tirion? Why did I slay my kin? Why did I immediately assume that Fingolfin was right about Feanor burning the boats? If he was incorrect then we suffered needlessly," Hantale mused.

"It is far too late now," Valaralyion replied. "We followed Fingolfin without challenge."

"We could have returned with Finarfin," Hantale said.

"But we did not so there is no point wishing we had," Calime said, getting up to do her business. When she was finished she reached into her bag to get her blankets. "I am weary. It would be wise to get as much rest as we can."

Her companions agreed and they set up their makeshift bed. They snuggled together like usually and fell asleep.

* * *

When they woke again they packed quickly and began again to march. Everyone was eager to reach the land though not excited. Many were felt guilty for leaving loved ones behind. Calime simply looked forward and not back. She, Hantalë and Valaralyion walked in silence. Each was wrapped up in how the future would be. To Calime it seemed the future was barren of hope and filled with hardships but she had already learned that life was a rocky road.

The hours worn on and many had gone by since they had risen when Calime tripped on something and the ice and went sprawling. She sat up and looked back, her heart nearly stopping. On the ground, partially buried in ice was elfling barely passed 20 years. She knew that many mothers had left children behind but they usually wrapped them in something so they would not be seen. This child was uncovered, glassy eyes staring blankly up into the stars. For the first time in over fifteen years, Calime broke down and wept.

Reverently she took off her top blanket and cover the all too small child. They were but hours away from the land and the child had not lived to see it. She or he had died just before reaching land. Calime doubted the child had ever known life other than the Helcaraxë. It was a wonder that the child had survived this far but to die just as your goal was in reach was heartbreaking.

Valaralyion knelt beside Calime and drew her up. He wrapped her in the edge of his pile of blankets and let her cry on his shoulder as they passed. Calime wept long and hard, washing years of pent up sorrow away. She was far from heartless and untouched by the tragedy of the crossing and what had come before. All hope was lost to her and she wondered briefly where she got the strength to live.

At this wondering Calime abruptly stopped crying and wiped her eyes. She could not afford to think like that. She had to redeem herself and Arnono before she let darkness claim her. She new she had many years yet to go and she could not give up so soon, for her sake and her companions' sakes.

Calime lifted her weary head off Valaralyion's shoulder when they suddenly stopped. A gasp of awe went through the Noldor and their gaze was turned to the western sky. Calime looked back and her jaw dropped.

In the sky a bright silver light was rising quickly. It shed as bright a light on the land as once Telperion had. In the wake of its rays, the Helcaraxë glittered and gleamed like a jewel. The icy mists shimmered like silver caught in the light. The deadly land looked like a dreamland touched by the Valar. Who would have known that something so deadly could be so lovely. It was all thanks to the silver orb that rode up through the stars.

After a few moments in silent awe, Fingolfin gave the signal and the silver trumpets began to play. The host's banners were unfurled and they began marching again with a small seed of hope planted in their hearts. Before them the light cast a silver carpet but it was cut short. They ice began to disappear and water pooled around their legs. It was icy but they endured it with Noldorin pride or at least whatever was left of it. The water grew deeper until they had to swim but the blessed sound of waves could be heard not far away.

Calime swam harder than she ever had before. For a moment hope sparked in her at the sound of the waves and she dove for the breakers swiftly followed by Hantale and Valaralyion. Noldor were already collapsed on the beach and Calime's momentary hope almost faded when she remembered Alqualonde but she pushed the thought aside. The past was the past and the future was waiting but feet away.

Her feet hit the sand and she stood for a moment relishing the feeling. She smiled faintly before she began to shiver. She moved closer to shore and slowly her upper body began to feel warmer because of the air. She finally made it through the shallows clinging to her two friends and they collapsed in the sand together.

Back on the far horizon, the Helcaraxë gleamed silver under the light. Calime shivered looking at the icy expanse that far beyond the horizon. Then she closed her eyes, fell back on Valaralyion's shoulder and closed her eyes.

* * *

_The grey trumpets cry_

_As we march under the silver sky _

_Those that fell to the ice _

_Are left behind_

_The land is green _

_As far as is to be seen _

_A far cry from the white_

_On which we had walked_

_Above our heads_

_The new orb shines _

_The stars are bright_

_Under which our banners fly_

* * *

Author's note: Thank you for reading and please review if you would. Here are the review replies.

**Morwen-re: **Thank you. I think you are doing well with your own story. Update soon!

**Elfique: **Thank you for reviewing and thank you for the compliments. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I added the child in to show another side of the story. I'm sure not all the Noldor left Tirion for the same reason. What was it that you didn't expect? And here is your more!

**Questions for readers:**

What is your opinion of the kinslaying?

Who would you have followed out of Tirion or would you not have gone at all?

Would you have returned to Valinor with Finarfin or crossed the Helcaraxë with Fingolfin?

I'd be delighted to here your opinions!


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